MCoy’s Dillemna

It was dark when I started

you could see that

my eyes were covered

my pitch was flat

the food was tasteless

a hazard at best

and in no time, life

moved like rest

 

it was glossy

and figured

to play out like that

it was tossing

and lingered

’till that last at bat

and all of a sudden

I could see it all

the horizon of timelessness

plastered the wall

 

Henry was torn

his legged sewn in pieces

and a ragged tail

following short

bye brother I said,

he said see ya, brother

and in a few years that’s what we did

 

my rent was close by

and my feet were free

it was all pretty good,

except hauling groceries

it went on awhile

and then the rust bucket

came with a bill

made me say fuck it…

 

so I went to the glass doors

with creases and bullets

and was soon enough proving

that I could commit

to a measly 4 years

and a country and another

and those guys in the green

pretended to be brothers

but I all I could see

with my steady pay check

was the spots on the glass

and the beer on tarmac

it was a life of leisure

it was a life of the oceans

where sand and bikinis

were never frozen

where the cliffs were steep

and broken forgiving

it was fantasy, real world

it was life that was pouring

from every moment

I wouldn’t even sleep

it was hedonism and pleadin’

for another drop deep

 

it was chasing and racing

and falling face flat

and all the while I’d run on through that.

I found out on Fridays I could run for 2 hours

through red clay and jungle and all kinds of large spiders

and by moonlight the bats could carry you away

but I ran anyway, never afraid

 

I’d meet a strange room, where I wasn’t welcome

and soon have them drinking and laughing at one

of those lame jokes, see, I was no threat

and we all wanted safety, we gave it a rest

 

some were lazy,others just drunks

some were quiet, guilt ridden monks

some were stabbers, they’d see your back

and when they were done, you’d never come back.

 

soon I was laying and standing and writhing

she was confused by the life she’d been riding

so she said goodbye and I was just there

and I have a thing for long, brown hair

I never knew why, I still don’t

but there I was never saying I won’t

it was all full of yesses and it will work out

now I can say that, but I can’t quite shout out

because when I flew off and she told me goodbye

it took awhile , hell, it was only sky

between us, but in that case it was too long

I should have known and just kissed her so long

instead I was one place, but torn to another

I passed on those two years

and then passed on another

and that angel came to me and put up with this crap

and now she is just hoping I’ll cry in her lap

and fall asleep right there- undisturbed

because her happiness lifts me, and that unnerves

and sends me running- fear hijacked

the buttons

my wiring is crossed

filled with delusion

which I can’t see, I can’t even be fooled

the doctor tries, he’s got the tools

but I cannot wield them, I drop them, forget

so I think it’s getting better,

she screams, “not yet!”

Acclivity Necessity

I came into town on a night

in December

My eyes couldn’t see,

driven too far 

where I come from, you won’t

remember

the girl in the corner keeps reading… 

my stars

She’d like to believe, she can’t

see scars

It’s so bright in this place, it’s hard to
start seeing
it’s well taken care of, things each
have a place
there’s shiny thrones, with wipes for
mis-peeing
nobody will burden, nothing too 
face
if they only cared to, I’d be

on my way

mother and father, gave a
sister and brother
my uncle and aunt kept my tongue

clean with soap .

some guy in LA, gave me visions
of some kind of another
I was just happy to be sliding
down slopes
if I only cared to, I’d come out of the covers

but in this darkness

everything floats

in a winter like this you take what they
give you
only the bravest can go out on
their own
she’s holding my hand, her face
seems accepting
Believing most of these problems are
way overblown
and if I cared to, I’d get on with improving.

but something seems ill when it’s all mine-

mind to own

the wind from the west, is
never ceasing
it comes with scents, as old as
the breeze
I wanted to rest here, I came for
the breathing
my lungs are not stretched out, taste like
they bleed
and if I cared to, I’d know this is living

is more than a need.

and slower or faster by moments 

we heed

the truth is the moment no judgement

indeed

there is only now, no forever

stays a mystery

I can’t see back there

vanished to grey

and darkness shrouds

sounds slipped insane

from observation it’s easy to mention

conjunctions confuse junctions

like rain

we can’t see a thing

so we sing

we can’t hear a thing

give me bling

we can’t feel

anything-

it’s numbing the plumbing

residing with me

I once could tell you

“just rise above”

before I’d been shoveled over 

by fear

I once could show you

invincible love

before I’d been shadowed

by fear

I once could hold you

before I’d seen failure

deposited here

and now I’m quiet,

so quiet

I’m hoping you’ll stumble like I did in here

and we can sit silent together

in fear

like some kind of forever

a fairy tale, dear.

a curse of the wicked?

or decisions unclear?

where habits are trampled

in favor of fear

and love is a knowledge

though numb, it’s sincere

and I still need a way out of here.

the bubble is small, 

and somehow clear

clear enough feel your pain

my thirst is quenched while you give your tears.

and still you smile

remembering years

while I face my style

and pray for more years

and we neither see now

is our moment to steer

we wrestle with time

love versus fear